J.Judas Johnson, Editor In Chief

Unusual Team Up Baffles Citizens

In Breaking News on 09/22/2009 at 3:54 pm
Captain Native American and Model Madam pictured seconds after saving the day.

Captain Native American and Model Madam pictured seconds after saving the day.

  Citizens of Galloeyville are baffled today after seeing the most unusual hero team up in decades. It seems when Captain Native American was busy defending the Norton Museum of Antiquities from would be antiquity theives

 he was aided by an unlikely source: Model Madam.  The two heroes worked as a team to take down the thieves and bystanders were completely impressed.

  “It’s not like I’d ever expect those two to team up… not in a million years.  But wow… his ability to summon hawk spirits and her ability to freeze men in their tracks really worked together.” said bystander John Smithers.  “I mean, wow… it’s like some hack writer was told to write something using lesser known characters in an attempt to pull in on their hardcore fan base, you know?”
    Police Chief Brian O’Irishstereotype said: “Ye, we were’n so glad to see those two tagether. They really saved my potatoes out of the fire after my beat cops failed to stop the intruders. They’re like my own personal lucky charms.”

World’s First Superhero Dies

In Breaking News on 09/18/2009 at 2:46 pm
Major Gibson in his prime.
Major Gibson in his prime.

Major Greg Gibson, better known as Major Gibson, has passed away at the age of 104.  Major Gibson is generally believed to be the world’s first superhero.  Despite the title, Major Gibson actually had no superpowers nor did he have any regular powers as records show he was very average in terms of smarts (both book and street) and pictures show his physique wasn’t much to look at either. Also, Major Gibson did not actually fight crime as he more or less just like to read about the criminals later after they were captured by the police and covered by the local papers.  It should also be noted that Major Gibson did not wear any type of hero costume or mask. In fact, Major Gibson shared basically no resemblance to the modern hero and it remains quite a mystery as to why we here at The Hero Daily refer to him as “the world’s first super-hero.”

 
{Editors note: we are legally bound to inform our readers that Major Gibson is an Uncle of THD publisher J. Judas Johnson, although this fact has no bearing at all on our attitude towards him.}

Jury Awards Lair to Victim’s Fiance

In Breaking News on 09/16/2009 at 10:28 am
Former Villian Lair, Now Ultimate Bachelore Pad
Former Villain Lair, Now Ultimate Bachelor Pad

     When Josh Moser learned of his fiance’s death at the hands of villan Doctor Death last April he imagined he whole life was over.  What he never imagined is that he would soon find himself the most available bachelor in all of Gallooeyville.  That is where he finds himself now that a jury has awarded him a record decision in his civil lawsuit against Dr. Death.  As part of the settlement, Dr. Death (who is currently serving a 20 year sentence at Statesville Prison) has had to turn over the keys to his multi-million dollar downtown skyscraper known as “Death’s Door.” 

Mr. Moser was overcome with joy “While nothing will bring my true love back to me, except possibly some hard to believe story about being switched with a clone a week before she died, this new tower I own will make it really, really easy to replace her… sexually, I mean.  I’m going to be neck deep in vagina after I move into that place!”
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